what is college jw 

is it bad that i already want to drop out of college and start something with my mom?

It Ain’t Fun

The song of summer 2014 was no doubt, “Ain’t it Fun” by Paramore. I remember carelessly driving through my hometown, my best friends by my side, as we chanted “Don’t go crying, to your mama cause you’re on your own in the real world.” 

Well, that was the summer before my freshman year of college. That was the summer I took for granted, not only my freedom but my friendships as well. That was the summer I shed no tears, perhaps because I subconsciously knew I would need those tears later.

Now is later. I’m sitting in my dorm room wishing I were in my bedroom at home. They say college is supposed to be the best four years of your life. Where are those years? I am waiting, impatiently I will admit, but still waiting.

It’s true, I have not listened to the misguided words of Paramore once. I have cried to my mama every day, sometimes even twice. No one warned me about the first month of college. The month where I’ll be lonely and feel like I have no friends. The month where all I want is a hug but there is no one I’m close enough with yet to lay it on me. The month where I am counting down until fall break so I can finally cry to my mama in person rather than on a phone because I am isolated in a different state.

I have been talking to my friends from high school who are attending different colleges. They tell me they’re going through the same thing. No one has a group of friends yet, no one is  out late gossiping and laughing like they’ve known each other for years. But still I cry. 

I cry because I’m homesick. Then I cry because I feel guilty to be taking such an incredible opportunity for granted. I cry because I realize I will never truly live at home again. I cry because I feel like a grown up. 

I’m sorry if I’m the only one who thinks 18 year olds should not be considered adults. I certainly am not ready. I know my peers don’t all feel like they are ready. How can I be ready when all I want to do is curl up in a ball, return to my bubble of a hometown, and lay with my mama all night long. 

College just isn’t panning out the way I was told it would. Friends are not lining up outside my door and I am not having the time of my life. Maybe it’s just me, and college isn’t right for me. Or maybe I just picked the wrong place. Maybe I should pull a Bill Gates and just drop of of college. 

No one tells you how much work it is to meet people. No one warns you about the amount of effort it takes to make friendships. Above all, no one tells you how much you should have appreciated what you had at home: loving parents and siblings, bundles of friends to call and text whenever, and the comfort of living in a familiar town. 

Well I have class now so I should probably dry up my tears and look presentable. But I’ll tell all you other struggling freshman what my mom told me; keep your head up and be as friendly as possible because soon enough it will all work out. I just hope that soon comes sooner than expected. 

I leave for college in 9 days 😳😳😳. Here’s to new adventures.

sorry but this was the greatest thing I have ever eaten #foodporn #icecream #cookiedough

sorry but this was the greatest thing I have ever eaten #foodporn #icecream #cookiedough

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! So great to spend the day with the greatest fans in the world. #wrigleyfield100 chicagocubs

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! So great to spend the day with the greatest fans in the world. #wrigleyfield100 chicagocubs

being fat should really come back into style cuz food is just too good

Tags: fat food

Someday I hope I never have to leave this view

Someday I hope I never have to leave this view

I want…

I want to turn my raw feelings into words, and my words into stories. I want to capture the essence of humanity and the intangibilities of the human psyche. I want to make sense of the uncertain, discover the unexplored, and

begin the future. 

Sorry if my last few posts have been negative or strangely dark. That really isn’t even like me at all. Also, I don’t even know who I’m apologizing to, it’s not like anyone will ever be reading any of this. But still, it helps in a way, just to get it all out, and to know that maybe, somewhere out there someone might happen across this.

I guess you could say I’ve had a pretty tough weekend. I literally hit rock bottom. But you know what they say, there’s only going up from there. And I’ve realized that this is true in more ways than one.

I’ve never had such an epiphany before. I really just want to be a better person. I want to be a better friend even when sometimes that is hard to do. I want to be a better daughter and really prove to my parents that they did the most amazing job raising me and I owe everything to them. I want to be a better citizen (broad I know), because in a weird way, we’re all connected, and the more better we do for each other, the better we all will be. 

So I guess we will see where I go from here. I can already feel a change, and I hope this change stays and remains positive. 

I truly am blessed, and I hope I never forget that.